Our existence is inherently flawed. As members of humanity we get overwhelmed and break down. We forget things we shouldn’t and cant forget the things we should. We get stuck in out ways and shut the world out because of it. Because we are imperfect, we make mistakes. Some of those mistakes are easier to forgive than others, easier to forget. Some we will forever regret. Why does any of this matter? Why have I thrown you down this depressive rabbit hole? Because there is a way around some of this faltering, something anyone can do to conquer their imperfect human experience and embrace it for all its can be. But first, let me tell you a little about myself and how I came across this life changing method of existence. My story Originally from upstate New York, I write this article from a less than quaint cafe in the city centre of Liverpool, England. At 18 I picked up and moved across the Atlantic for university, and have been given the wonderful opportunity to travel the world. I’ve lived in and experienced all sorts of different cultures, navigate living in near isolation and the mental health consequences\ed suit. I’ve started multiple businesses (most of which have failed) and have had to find my way in a world which I never quite felt like I fit in. I learned at 18 that people are both very much the same but also very different in almost irreconcilable ways. At 19 I learned the dangers of isolation and what dark places it can bring you to, and how much our own minds can fool us. Most of 20 was spent on learning how to be okay with my own existence, reaching my old baseline again for the first time in years as they year of my life came to an end. 21 was different. Not only had I put in loads of work just to feel like an active participant in my own life story, but I began to thrive. To be cliche, it was the first time I felt like a lead character in my own life. I started to live in the moment rather than dread my future. Though I made friends along the way, I was comfortable on my own. And I stopped letting my insecurities motivate my every move. I should note that on the exterior, most people would not have known I wasn’t thriving earlier. I had made it to 17 countries before I turned 21, lived on my own for 2 years, published music at 21, a book at 20 and two websites by 19. When I say thrive I do not associate that with accomplishments. I think it is a mistake really to associate accomplishments with thriving. Can out side hustles and fashion projects be a part of our thriving, yes of course but a lot of that an be done through instability. Personally, most of my accomplishments rose out of insecurity and a need for a distraction, and the more I focused on achievements the worse I felt. Instead for the purposes of this post, to thrive is solely to feel alright in your own existence. For me, I knew I was thriving when I found community in a weekly open mic. When I walked down the street in the city I had lived in for over two years and no longer felt like a stranger. When I stopped questioning myself in my personal relationships and in my abilities, instead reaching out more and trusting myself. Thriving was not publishing a book only a handful of people would ever read just so I could call myself an author, it was the energy that came from welcoming nods of recognition around town and being okay doing things on my own. So how did I make this change? How did I go from surviving to thriving? It really only took one idea. It took fearing the ‘what if’. What does it mean to fear the ‘what if’ To fear the what if is to make decisions in your life based on what you think you might regret later. Take a fairly universal example of fancying someone: you have the option to either confess feels or stay as you are. Of course what you do will largely bee deponent on your situation. Are you friends already or near strangers? Do they seem to have similar feelings for you? Are they seeing someone? Are you bold enough to confess or are they bold enough to be honest? There is no right or wrong answer in a situation like this, and no matter what happens things have a chance of going poorly, but you still have a decision to make. Herein enters our method: fear the what if. Sit down and decide for yourself what you think you would regret more. Is the chance of a moment of awkwardness worth the chance that they share the same feelings? If you don’t say anything now, do you think you are going to look back and wonder ‘what if’ in the next few years? It sounds so simple and silly, but it really it is a great way to break down questions with no right answers. What do you think future you would most regret, and is it worth the risk here in the moment. A real life example I mentioned before moving across the Atlantic for university, but that was the fulfillment of a dream that state when I was only about 14. I didn’t like the American university system, I hated the schools I had been on tour to, and the expenses involved were maddening. So, being the impatient dreamer I was, I looked up schools all over the world and very quickly landed on a strangely named city called Liverpool. It took me less than a week to decide this was where I wanted to go for university, and my mind had a field day with it. I dreamt of the life I might have in England often. The friends I might make, the venues I might play, the experiences I might have and the trips I might take filled my waking and restful dreams. I couldn’t help myself. When it came time to apply for my top school, my nerves were high but I was accepted into the program with open arms. A dream four years in the making had finally become a reality. Thats when the doubts hit. What if I wasn’t prepared for this? What if it was totally different than I thought it would be? What if my budgeting was wrong? What if something happens back home? Thoughts like these flooded my mind, and though I mostly felt excited for this next adventure in my life, there were a few moments where I considered staying in America when everything felt so overwhelming. In the end I didn’t cave to my insecurities and anxieties, and I boarded my September flight to Manchester Airport in 2019. I knew that if I didn’t go I would spend my life wondering what would have happened if I had, and even back then that was enough to keep me hell bent on my path. Why it works This method basically works because as a species we are romantics. We are day dreamers and over thinkers and idealists, and we often picture things in out minds long before we find them in reality. Fearing the what if doesn’t open the door to our every daydream, rather it allows us to experience how non-romantic our over romanticized thoughts are. Have I had a wonderful time living in England? Yes of course. Did a lot of my day dreams somewhat resemble my reality? Kinda. But was it absolutely everything I dreamed of? No, actually. But that’s the point. The reason a what if is so dangerous is because it is NOT reality. It is an idealized version of what we THINK our reality could look like given what we know. Not to mention, the idealists in us typically will only day dream of the good things. In reality, my experience in England has been one that I could not have predicted. I didn’t know how much culture shock would change and affect me, I didn’t know how alone I would feel at time, and I didn’t know how empty I would feel in the beginning living out what I had dreamt of. As dark as it may be to say that this system works because instead of being stuck in endless daydreams, you can be struck with the grim reality, but it really works. This sort of reality check is necessary to keep our minds from wandering. To be fair, a big part of this is also experiencing the wonderful things you never thought you would. There have been so many experiences I’ve had in my time in England that I never imagined I would have, but the key is I never would have imagined them. So the moral of the story? Try living your life fearing the what if. This method has kept me going and helped me thrive over the past year, and I hope it can help you as well.
New York City is an incredible place, famous for its ‘hustle and bustle’ lifestyle, but there’s a lot more to NY than just a busy city at the southern edge. Much of New York State (NYS) is filled with rural areas, farmland and incredible green spaces. I’ve compiled my top 10 tips for anyone unfamiliar with the area looking to tackle upstate!
York is an incredibly historic city with all sorts of charm. From Roman architecture to Harry Potter, this not so little city has something for every traveler!
Lincoln is a beautiful town in the English East Midlands with cobble stone streets, brick buildings and English tutors! Though some of it has been modernized, many streets are still filled with quaint buildings and history. Lincoln is a great stop for history buff, art lover and so many more!
Glasgow, Scotland is the largest city in Scotland, and a wonderful adventure for those travelers who especially enjoy exploring cities! Though it is largely modernized, Glasgow offers a mix of new age and ancient structures and culture all in the city centre!
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New York City is an incredible place, famous for its ‘hustle and bustle’ lifestyle, but there’s a lot more to NY than just a busy city at the southern edge. Much of New York State (NYS) is filled with rural areas, farmland and incredible green spaces. I’ve compiled my top 10 tips for anyone unfamiliar with the area looking to tackle upstate!
York is an incredibly historic city with all sorts of charm. From Roman architecture to Harry Potter, this not so little city has something for every traveler!
Lincoln is a beautiful town in the English East Midlands with cobble stone streets, brick buildings and English tutors! Though some of it has been modernized, many streets are still filled with quaint buildings and history. Lincoln is a great stop for history buff, art lover and so many more!
Glasgow, Scotland is the largest city in Scotland, and a wonderful adventure for those travelers who especially enjoy exploring cities! Though it is largely modernized, Glasgow offers a mix of new age and ancient structures and culture all in the city centre!